top 10 lies by grad stu's

Humorous stories from the lab. What were your biggest mistakes that you can now laugh about? (Keep it clean!!)

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top 10 lies by grad stu's

Postby seankim » Mar 20 2005 12:31 am

manyof you have seen this stuck on the fridge doors,, but just in case you haven't.

top 10 lies told by grad students,


1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.

2. My job prospects look really good.

3. The department is giving me so much support.

4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.

5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.

6. Your latest article was so inspiring.

7. I would never date an undergraduate.

8. My work has a lot of practical importance.

9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.

10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
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you might be a grad stu if,

Postby seankim » Mar 20 2005 12:35 am

another one you may have all seen , but for the posterity

...you spend more on books than on tuition.

...you actually hope your professor assigns homework.

...you get a 3-hour final with 5 questions or less.

...the words "free time" are unfamiliar to you.

...you spend Saturday morning waiting for the library to open.

...you've memorized your professors' home phone numbers.

...your professors know your home phone number.

...more than 25% of your textbook is "left as an exercise for the reader."

...you are on a first-name basis with everyone on the library staff.

...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.

...your office is better decorated than your apartment.

...you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.

...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.

...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.

...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.

...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.

...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.

...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.

...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."

...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.

...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.

...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.

...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.

...you consider all papers to be works in progress.

...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.

...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.

...you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.

...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.

...you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.

...you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".

...you start refering to stories like "Snow White et al."

...you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.

...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.

...you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.

...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication".
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Postby jamie » Mar 20 2005 5:59 pm

hahahaha! those were hilarious! thanks for posting ... i'm gonna print it out and stick it on our lab fridges.

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Postby jamie » Mar 20 2005 6:02 pm

hey sean, maybe you can add "...you consider browsing and messaging on the NWFSC Molcular Biology Techniques Forums a form of rest and relaxation" :D

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Postby EpiMPH » Mar 21 2005 2:30 pm

as sad it is - many of them i can totally relate to or have done...
"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity."- MLK, Jr.
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Postby sf » Mar 23 2005 3:34 am

haha I'm going to post them on our fridge.

This is my favourite: you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
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Postby r.rosati » Mar 23 2005 3:59 pm

Actually, I would add my favourite,

"I'll be home in an hour or so..."
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Postby EpiMPH » Mar 23 2005 4:03 pm

how come i feel like i am always say that last one?
"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity."- MLK, Jr.
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Postby marcin » Apr 11 2005 5:32 pm

Three top lies by students from country of my origin (Poland):

1) I will start learning tomorrow.
2) I will stop drinking tomorrow.
3) No, thank you, I am not hungry.
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Postby tibhar » Jun 12 2005 6:19 am

funny :lol:
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Postby kouanes » Jul 11 2005 6:12 pm

marcin wrote:Three top lies by students from country of my origin (Poland):

1) I will start learning tomorrow.
2) I will stop drinking tomorrow.
3) No, thank you, I am not hungry.



:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby cyberpostdoc » Jul 13 2005 3:01 am

Yep, I have studied biology for more than 13 years. Most of those lies applied to me :lol: my favorite one is that I always tell my wife my it will just be about an hour before I can go home, and it is always a lie, absolutely more than one hour. :oops: My wife finally gets used to it, she will automatically add one hour, or just doesn't bother to think about it. :shock:

But now, I am really around wall street and making ~80,000 lah, from biology/academic to working force is a mixture of confusion and excitement for me now ... ...

But one thing for sure, the money is good. :twisted:
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Postby tibhar » Sep 18 2006 10:08 am

I, too, kept my girlfriend waiting for longer time than I said, dozens of times.
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Postby relaxin » Sep 19 2006 1:52 am

The number 1 lie of my graduate student is: "I followed the protocol EXACTLY, but it simply did not work."

It is my protocol. :D
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Postby mrLenin » Jan 17 2007 10:08 am

Cool! I like it!
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