Jokes of science

Humorous stories from the lab. What were your biggest mistakes that you can now laugh about? (Keep it clean!!)

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Jokes of science

Postby johndavid » Jul 09 2009 11:34 am

At the physics exam: 'Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.'

Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
A: The 'wave'.

The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.

The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)"

One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they did not commute. He said that Sir William Hamilton discovered noncommutivity one night when he was taking a walk in his garden with Lady Hamilton. As they sat down on a bench, there was a moment of passion. It was then that he discovered that AB did not equal BA.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
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Re: Jokes of science

Postby talkingtree » Aug 23 2009 12:13 pm

lol at timber hahaha
PI of Posters
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Re: Jokes of science

Postby helen82 » Oct 29 2010 10:07 am


Over time, people die and enter Heaven, but no one comes back from Heaven,
so the number of souls in Heaven is constantly increasing. Of course, these
souls have to be coming from somewhere, otherwise the law of conservation
of mass is being violated. Where the souls are coming from is of course
Earth. Now the Bible says that the righteous go on to live in the kingdom
of God for eternity. Thus, Heaven has an infinite duration. But the Earth
has a finite mass and if souls are leaving it at some rate then eventually
its mass will be depleted below zero, which is impossible - nothing can
have negative mass. Therefore Heaven cannot exist. A similar argument
applies to Hell, Gehennom, Elysium, Hades, and any other form of
afterlife. (The special case of reincarnation is somewhat more difficult
and will not be presented here.)

Note: The preceding paragraph is a work of satire. It contains numerous
scientific and mathematical errors. Please do not bother contacting me if
you only want to point out these errors. Otherwise, write away! - Ed.

On the other hand, if you if you have comments or improvements on this
theory that are in the same spirit as this was written you can send them to
this site - Joachim.
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Re: Jokes of science

Postby Myotis_rufopictus » Nov 25 2010 7:31 am

This happened in real life...

Fellow grad student: I want to tell you something. I'm pregnant.
me: Oh! Er...congrats. But you can't work with (zoonotic virus) any more, right? Did you speak to (our advisor)?
Fellow grad student: Yeah, we're still discussing what to do about it.
me: Maybe you should change your thesis to "In vivo generation of reassortants".
Reading about expression of genes "in Planta" makes me think they're doing it in margarine.
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